The only way is up

I’ve been suffering from Bipolar Disorder since I was 11. Misdiagnosed as having clinical depression at 17, my mother discouraged me from taking antidepressants as she thought it was against her religious beliefs.

My condition worsened as my mania disrupted my studies and affected my relations with others. I was ostracised because of my abnormal behaviour. I dropped out of school twice because of my struggles with depression and not being able to handle my peers’ misunderstanding of my condition.   

Now, at 27, having destroyed my career chances and many friendships, I find myself feeling strangely at peace. It may be because I know that in life there are ups and downs and I don’t have to worry about it getting any worse because I already am at my lowest – the only way is up.   

I feel hopeful that God will lead me to the destination I am heading for, despite the path being full of turmoil and troubles. I am a person suffering from an illness, that I have no control over, and I have dreams, hopes, and desires like everyone else. I have fears, worries and problems. I am a human being with emotions. I yearn for someone who would understand me, love me and care for me regardless of my flaws and mistakes that I have made.   

I’ve learned that I deserve love, from all the falling outs I had with friends and family members. Mental illness is not an excuse but it is a condition that greatly affects every aspect of one’s life. But it should not allow others to judge one’s character.   

Everyone makes mistakes, but it takes a lot to learn from it and make amends.