“Not trying hard enough”

I’m thinking of reaching out for help for the 6th/7th time now out of desperation. Helping professionals sometimes view me as “resistant”. Perhaps it’s because I’m not extremely open during sessions, or because I’m always so quick to say no to the possibility of sharing my mental health concerns with my family. This however makes me wonder if there will ever be a helping professional who tries to see things from my perspective, without jumping to the conclusion that I’m being “resistant”, or “not trying hard enough”. It is a very gutting feeling to hear someone tell you that she is trying harder than you are to solve your own problems, especially when you have been trying your best to stay alive for nearly a decade. I’m in the midst of trying my best not to be disillusioned by the entire helping profession, and to try to seek help one more time.