I’m in one of my darkest moments

Mental health is something that on first thought people don’t think too much about. But mental wellness, that’s something that is relevant to everyone.

As for me, my mental health state and journey has always been one that fluctuates because of my identification as bisexual. Love-relationships are hard. Life just hasn’t been the easiest, there is a fear of being who I am, I’m unable to live a life that I want. Living in the shadows and under a mask is painful and not easy.

It is in our nature that we as humans tend not to desire to live when our mental health is not strong; we may falter. But it is not a sign of weakness, what makes us strong is how we deal with it, view it and fix it. HOPE – Hold On, Pain Ends.

You know that rock bottom feeling, that helpless feeling, that feeling when you’re on the brink of it and you know you can no longer do it? Everyone might not know what each of us are going through but everyone has their own struggles, things that weigh so heavily on our shoulders, on our minds and in our hearts.

We want to be happy, we want to be cared and loved, want to love and care, we want to be heard and hear, to be validated and validate, we want someone to step in to help us, we want to live but sometimes we just get too drained and tired of life, people don’t hear us or want us or are ready for us.

More importantly we are not really ready for ourselves and we can’t handle ourselves so we see no other options. In our darkest hours, we feel so alone, so afraid, drowning and our thoughts flood out and we spiral down down down.

But. The dawn will come again, new light will come at day break. Through our darkest hours even in day light, it takes courage to brave through life. So here’s to all of us struggling, we’re only human. So hold on, the pain will end. And in our darkest moments, let there be light within ourselves.

Maybe apart from reaching out to others, let’s reach within ourselves to find a light that we can count on, a light that we can control and the courage to brave our lives strongly and fiercely. To find the light to still live on and love on.

Timing has the funniest ways of reminding me. The thoughts of ending it all had only been at its highest intensity in the recent week and days and I was ready to end it all.

I’m currently in one of my darkest moments and lowest periods of life. I’m still struggling and I’m not okay but I’m looking for my light within me. To anyone out there struggling as well, let’s hold on. And if you can, reach out to another to help them find some light. Even in our darkest moments, we still have love to give. It really takes courage to die, but it also takes immense courage to live and love on.

For me, I can never fully say that my mental health state is good or good enough at this point.

I believe that at any turn of events, we might not be always okay, but it’s okay not to be okay. Everyone has their not-okay days. I cannot guarantee that you will feel better but what I know is, you are not the only one fighting.

We can stand by each other in our personal fights to keep going and even as our mental health is not at its optimum, we can still find the light by seeking help not just from around us but within us. We may only be human but we are human.

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