Since I was young, I’ve always been an escapist. I would always close my eyes and sleep so that I would lucid dream. In those dreams I would abuse and torture myself (sort of like in The Saw movie). I became extremely depressed in Secondary 3 when I started failing all my subjects . This was unusual to me as in Secondary 2, I was first in class and always top for science. I couldn’t accept it. I thought I had become stupid and used alcohol to suppress my emotions.
Then my great grandma passed on a day before my birthday and my depression got worse. I started taking painkillers when I felt sad and even became addicted to smoking. In an effort to improve my grades, I went online to buy “smart drugs” which I later got caught using.
In Secondary 4, when I lost complete hope and even my faith in God, I tried to end my life. I went to school, gave my best friends hugs and kisses and when to swallow 20 pills in the toilet, which proved to be unsuccessful because my teachers found me and brought me to the hospital.
Even though I’m still trying to recover, I hope that people will be more accepting to people with mental illnesses. My parents are still in denial and have yet to get me checked by a psychiatrist. Perhaps if I got myself checked, I would be able to recover faster through therapy.
I would like to tell all those who are suffering in silence: You are not alone, so you don’t have to hide. Talk to someone so that you will feel better.