Since the age of 11

Since the age of 11, I’ve attempted suicide countless times. What were the reasons? What caused me to be this way? I don’t know either. My family think I’m crazy; they think that I lack faith and don’t pray enough to the God we believe in.

Whenever I try my best to open up to the people I fully trust, they just think I’m feeling sad, having PMS symptoms, or having a rough day. They brush me off by telling me that I should stop acting this way.

Things aren’t easy for me. It would be a lie to say that I’m 100% recovered. There have been a few “clean” days from self harm – with the last attempt being a year ago. I choose to keep believing and to continue walking forward. There’s this small part of me that wants to save myself from this mess.

It’s hard, but there’s also that 1% of me that wants to prove all those people wrong; those people who think that I’m just being a “nuisance”.

I still have a small hope in myself. I deserve better.